Ranch PT
What is Ranch PT you ask?
Its all the Rage in rural areas. Its why ranchers in their 40s look like they are 30. Its why Rancher's chest size exceeeds their waist size.
This daily dozen is guaranteed to put muscle on your chest and give you the back of Atlas.
Begin by getting up at 5:30. Run the obstacle course of the Wife's cats in the dark while putting on your pants, boots, shirt, and coat. Grab the cell phone. Check the weather forecast. Then go outside. Drive away with your lights off so the Wife gets to stay asleep.
Second, begin with 25 feed sack presses. Lift a feed sack onto the truck. Repeat 25 times. Drive out to the calves. Take each feed sack and empty it into a trough, lifting it above your head.
Next, return to the barn and load 25 80-pound suare bales. First, climb up into the stack of hay and toss off 25 bales. Then, lift them onto the truck, stacking them ever higher. Drive out to the calves and dump them one by one on the ground, taking time to yank off the twine.
Fourth, connect the feed trailer to the tractor or truck. Check the tightness of the ball. Fill the feed trailer with 20 50 pound bags of feed. Lift each bag and carry it to the trailer then lift it above your head and into the trailer. Lift the bag again to empty it. Repeat 20 times.
Fifth, drive out to the cow herd. Enjoy the sun coming up and the 25 mph North winds. It is a balmy 25 degrees. Ignore the broken tractor window. After all, its only a 20 minute drive at 25 mph. When you arrive, you MUST get the gate unlocked and drive through the gate BEFORE the 250 cows get to you OR you have to play the gate-cow boogie. Frozen hands are not an excuse for fumbling the combination as the thundering herd gets closer and closer.
Sixth ( optional ) - did you check the connection on the feed trailer? Did you check it? In this excercise, the feed trailer jumps off the ball and plows deeply into the ground. The trailer weighs 1000 pounds and the feed another thousand. Climb out of the tractor and lift the trailer out of the dirt and onto the ball. No jacks are allowed. This is only 500 pound dead lift thanks to the long toungue. Brace your legs and get a good grip.
Seventh, fix the leaking water tank. First, strip off your jacket and shirt. You won't need them and besides, the freezing breeze is refreshing. Next, slosh through the mud and water up to your knees to the water tank which is running wide open. Reach into the 32 dgreee water up to your armpits with both hands and a set of pliers and by feel only fix the float valve. Be glad it only takes five minutes. When you are done, air dry.
Eigth, fix the fence. You notice the fence charger indicates a short. Due to the roughness of the terrain, you must walk the fence. Its only a 600 acre pasture - just a mile on a side. If you run it, you will stay warmer and you will get done faster. A mile after you start, you find the short. But when you get back to the charger, its still not happy. You run back out and three miles later, find the final short. Congratualtiosn, you have run 8 miles.
Nine, pen the bull. As you leave the pasture, you notice fresh poop on the road. You drive on and find your number one bull in a wheat pasture laying next to a hay bale. You are a little amused as just three days ago he was four miles the other direction. Drive home and return with the four wheeler. Drive into the pasture and herd him to the fenceline and a gate, taking care to not let him head for the creekbed which is the other way. Which he does. Let him lead you on a blind chase through cedar and brush until both of you fly through the air into a gully, where the four wheeler gets jammed tight. Now the grunting begins. Push, pull, shove and grunt to get the four wheeler unjammed and out of the gully. If this takes less than two hours, you are an expert. Drive around again looking for the bull. Head home when you don't. Break into curses when you get home and the bull is grazing in the front yard.
Tenth - unpen the bull. Before getting a drink and eating - your first of the day ( its now 2 pm ) You check the 2 year old bulls in the corral and notice one has his horn stuck under a gate. The other bulls are making fun of him and taking shots at his ass while he bellows and smashes the pen walls. Chase the other bulls away and then climb into the pen with Gomer. Take note that the gate area is a choke point and yo have just a few feet to manuever around Bozo. You push and pull on the gate and use a pry bar to try to force Dickwad loose whiel he bellows and strains to get loose. You try opening the gate, but Asswipe then pushes the gate all the way open then pulls it shut in wild oscillations. You wrestle the gate shut. Its time for the saw. You get the gas-powered cutoff saw, which won't start. At. All. So its hacksaw time. You get the hacksaw and start sawing though 3 inches of horn while the bull bellows and snorts.
Eleventh, change the tire. Head to the house. The cell phone rings. Its the Wife. She has TWO flats and she is ten miles away. Head for the truck. As you get in it, its at an odd angle. Sure enough, its a family affair. Change your flat first. Then, go change her flats.
Twelfth, bag carry cooldown. The Wife has done her montlhy shopping. Carry her groceries in.
Congratulations, its now 4 pm. You have completed the Ranch PT daily dozen and can now eat and drink.
Its all the Rage in rural areas. Its why ranchers in their 40s look like they are 30. Its why Rancher's chest size exceeeds their waist size.
This daily dozen is guaranteed to put muscle on your chest and give you the back of Atlas.
Begin by getting up at 5:30. Run the obstacle course of the Wife's cats in the dark while putting on your pants, boots, shirt, and coat. Grab the cell phone. Check the weather forecast. Then go outside. Drive away with your lights off so the Wife gets to stay asleep.
Second, begin with 25 feed sack presses. Lift a feed sack onto the truck. Repeat 25 times. Drive out to the calves. Take each feed sack and empty it into a trough, lifting it above your head.
Next, return to the barn and load 25 80-pound suare bales. First, climb up into the stack of hay and toss off 25 bales. Then, lift them onto the truck, stacking them ever higher. Drive out to the calves and dump them one by one on the ground, taking time to yank off the twine.
Fourth, connect the feed trailer to the tractor or truck. Check the tightness of the ball. Fill the feed trailer with 20 50 pound bags of feed. Lift each bag and carry it to the trailer then lift it above your head and into the trailer. Lift the bag again to empty it. Repeat 20 times.
Fifth, drive out to the cow herd. Enjoy the sun coming up and the 25 mph North winds. It is a balmy 25 degrees. Ignore the broken tractor window. After all, its only a 20 minute drive at 25 mph. When you arrive, you MUST get the gate unlocked and drive through the gate BEFORE the 250 cows get to you OR you have to play the gate-cow boogie. Frozen hands are not an excuse for fumbling the combination as the thundering herd gets closer and closer.
Sixth ( optional ) - did you check the connection on the feed trailer? Did you check it? In this excercise, the feed trailer jumps off the ball and plows deeply into the ground. The trailer weighs 1000 pounds and the feed another thousand. Climb out of the tractor and lift the trailer out of the dirt and onto the ball. No jacks are allowed. This is only 500 pound dead lift thanks to the long toungue. Brace your legs and get a good grip.
Seventh, fix the leaking water tank. First, strip off your jacket and shirt. You won't need them and besides, the freezing breeze is refreshing. Next, slosh through the mud and water up to your knees to the water tank which is running wide open. Reach into the 32 dgreee water up to your armpits with both hands and a set of pliers and by feel only fix the float valve. Be glad it only takes five minutes. When you are done, air dry.
Eigth, fix the fence. You notice the fence charger indicates a short. Due to the roughness of the terrain, you must walk the fence. Its only a 600 acre pasture - just a mile on a side. If you run it, you will stay warmer and you will get done faster. A mile after you start, you find the short. But when you get back to the charger, its still not happy. You run back out and three miles later, find the final short. Congratualtiosn, you have run 8 miles.
Nine, pen the bull. As you leave the pasture, you notice fresh poop on the road. You drive on and find your number one bull in a wheat pasture laying next to a hay bale. You are a little amused as just three days ago he was four miles the other direction. Drive home and return with the four wheeler. Drive into the pasture and herd him to the fenceline and a gate, taking care to not let him head for the creekbed which is the other way. Which he does. Let him lead you on a blind chase through cedar and brush until both of you fly through the air into a gully, where the four wheeler gets jammed tight. Now the grunting begins. Push, pull, shove and grunt to get the four wheeler unjammed and out of the gully. If this takes less than two hours, you are an expert. Drive around again looking for the bull. Head home when you don't. Break into curses when you get home and the bull is grazing in the front yard.
Tenth - unpen the bull. Before getting a drink and eating - your first of the day ( its now 2 pm ) You check the 2 year old bulls in the corral and notice one has his horn stuck under a gate. The other bulls are making fun of him and taking shots at his ass while he bellows and smashes the pen walls. Chase the other bulls away and then climb into the pen with Gomer. Take note that the gate area is a choke point and yo have just a few feet to manuever around Bozo. You push and pull on the gate and use a pry bar to try to force Dickwad loose whiel he bellows and strains to get loose. You try opening the gate, but Asswipe then pushes the gate all the way open then pulls it shut in wild oscillations. You wrestle the gate shut. Its time for the saw. You get the gas-powered cutoff saw, which won't start. At. All. So its hacksaw time. You get the hacksaw and start sawing though 3 inches of horn while the bull bellows and snorts.
Eleventh, change the tire. Head to the house. The cell phone rings. Its the Wife. She has TWO flats and she is ten miles away. Head for the truck. As you get in it, its at an odd angle. Sure enough, its a family affair. Change your flat first. Then, go change her flats.
Twelfth, bag carry cooldown. The Wife has done her montlhy shopping. Carry her groceries in.
Congratulations, its now 4 pm. You have completed the Ranch PT daily dozen and can now eat and drink.
posted by Red River at 5:22 PM
3 Comments:
Ha! Good stuff. The funny thing is you miss that sort of life when you have to move away. Just found your blog via your posts over at Belmont Club. I had to share that graph, too.
And, no, I didn't see any of those graphs. They're usually not big-picture enough like yours was. I saw the spike graphs, with a little more detail, but the trend line is definitely very telling. Thanks for simplifying for everyone!
Wow, you make me really glad to be an musician and artist.
I was married briefly to a lady firefighter in Northern California, and lived for 2&1/2 years on her 10-acres in the foothills of the Sierras. She and her 2 teenaged sons and Sister and Father had been living on the place for a few years before I came along. Just before we married, she and her sister decided to rescue a dozen foals from the Premarin Mares program.
The mares are BIG, generally draft horses, impregnated so they produce hormones which can be harvested from their urine and processed to replace human estrogens after menopause or hysterectomy. The foals had been going for a decade to meat processing plants in Europe and Asia.
The foals were almost the mass of adult quarter horses at six months when they were delivered. My wife's herb farm had one bitty little pen for a half-dozen pregnant ewes and one cow. The animal population quickly quadrupled to 17 sheep, 4 chickens and 5 ducks, 4 dogs, and a calf, along with the horses, but buyers were found for all but 4 of the original 12.
I spent the next 30 months building and maintaining fences, gates, corrals, shelters, drainage ditches, a footbridge, a greenhouse, woodworking shop, stalls, a barn, and a 21-foot diameter yurt (from a kit) with a hand-built porch from scrap.
Humped a lot of hay bales, planted fruit trees, a vegetable garden, and hundreds of seedlings for the herbs. I used my Red Cross wilderness response training to mend torn hides, drain abscesses, help with difficult births, and nurse orphaned lambs.
I discovered that icelandic sheep are smart and friendly critters, and the horses were fantastic companions. In fact, the animals were tremendous good company.
But your description of Rancher PT puts my efforts to shame.
Now I'm spending my days sitting at a computer, trying to find ways to keep the blood circulating.
You don't get up until 5:30? What a slacker :).
On a more serious note, almost everyone in my neck of the woods has gone over to using round bales. Especially when raising beef cattle. About the only ones who still use square bales are the horse people.
Yet when I read stuff written by people down your way, it seem like even the big operations are still using square bales. Care to enlighten me as to why their might be this difference?
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